Monday, August 09, 2010

Our Little Girl

Over the past few weeks, Chris and I have REALLY started to see the signs and realize that our baby girl is quickly becoming our little girl. Of course, she'll always be our baby, but with the strides she has been taking over the past few weeks, it's hard to miss that she's not a baby any more. Chris has even joked that his "Scooter" is becoming a "Moped" :o)

One of the things that's caught my attention the most is the fact that "Da-Da" became "Daddy" a couple of weeks ago. Beyond that, she's trying to say new words every week. She now, frequently says: Ma-Ma, Daddy, Ba-ba (bottle), Ju (juice), shoooe, Na-Nah or Na-Ne (banana), Bi (bite), ab-ble (apple), O or Jeh-wO (Jello), bye-bye, no, see, Ba (bath), Ba (back...she'll point you in the opposite direction), Wa-wa (water), Coa-Coa (for horse because Coach was the first horse she really connected with), C-mOn (come on), side (slide), ou-side (outside), dough (door), wab-el (waffle), boo or bah (book...she makes the sign for book while she repeats the word), ca-ca (color), boo (blue), eh-wO (yellow), puh-pel (purple), Ni-nigh (night-night), man (a-men...she either says this when she wants to say her prayers while placing her hands together and/or at the end of the prayer), bow or hah-bow (bow / hair bow; also used to refer to her headbands), bock (box, usually referring to her lunch box), Dod-jew (Dodger), Re (Rhett), dod-ja or dod-je (doggie), Elmo, sho-da (shoulder), eye, bu-bu (bubble), bah (block), rie-ba (right back), f-ow-ah (flower), he-wO (hello / cell phone), Die-pew (diaper), pee-pee and poo-poo, as well as T-T (Trinity). She's also started trying to repeat other words she hears us say during the course of our day, such as tickle and Bible. She's trying to put together phrases, too. For now, besides the few word pairs I listed above and certain words in children's songs, it's just random syllables that she tries to string together.

She is starting to enjoy having her teeth brushed and flossed and helps out from time-to-time. Just this past weekend, she started showing signs of getting ready to potty train again - she came to me and said pee-pee over half of the time she needed to go to the potty. She usually tells Dodger and Rhett night-night and sometimes tries to give them kisses through their crates before she goes to bed. She will often give us good night kisses, as well, but she has to be in the mood. If we ask her for "sugars" or kisses and she doesn't want to she turns her head away and slightly up in the air while squishing up her face. I think it's so cute. She loves playing in the water, but she doesn't really like having her hair washed. She totally abhors having her toe nails clipped; I think some of this might be because of how ticklish her feet are.

Trinity loves to color, "read," and slide. She also likes music, from trying to sing to "playing" on her drums and pianos. She's starting to understand how to play hide-and-seek. (Chris will often take her to hide in a closet and wait for me to come find them.) Trinity is now telling Chris "shhhh" as they stand and wait in the closet. She loves several children's songs, too. She'll put her fingers up to her cheeks when she wants us to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. (I still haven't figured out why though.) She'll say bye-bye baby when she wants to sing Rock-A-Bye Baby. She'll say B-C-Ds when she wants to sing the ABCs. What I think is the cutest, for now, is when she wants to sing The Wheels on the Bus, Trinity will say "shhh" "shhh" "shhh" "beep" "beep" "beep"; as we sing this song, she'll go through all of the stages from round-and-round and waaah-waaah-waaah to up-and-down. She'll also put her thumbs and pointer fingers together, almost forming a diamond shape, when she's wanting to sing the Itsy Bitsy Spider. When singing Pat-a-Cake, she loves the ending of "for baby and me." She'll place her hands on your cheeks and squish them together while saying "meeee" with you.

Trinity is definitely a "Daddy's Girl" right now. She'll still want ma-ma from time-to-time, but she is absolutely Daddy's little helper. Trinity is Chris' little shadow, from helping out with our plants to helping "build" our entertainment system and some shelves. She will follow Chris every where. Trinity has no fear, which means I have to try to keep my eye on her every second. She'll climb up her slide the wrong way and think about jumping off; she'll also try to tip over her rocking chair or giraffe-bike. She rarely ever cries when she gets hurt. The longest I've ever heard her cry is a time she fell and almost bit through her lip and that was only for a minute.

After two months, she still loves Montessori School, too. For the past couple of weeks, if Trinity is in the middle of doing something when I walk in, she'll stop what she's doing for a minute and step away and say "roar" (what she does when she plays like she's going to get us). Then she'll run over to me saying ma-ma and ask me to c-mon. Trinity will then bring me back over to her work to show me everything she was doing. After that, I'll ask her to put her work away so we can go home. She'll hurry up and get everything put up and run over to her cubby and grab her lunch box, bag, and blankies; then, she'll run out the classroom door wanting to get outside and in the van asap.

I can't wait to see what God has in store for her, as well as for Chris and me as we try our best to guide her through this time of her life.

I love this baby girl with all my heart!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Baby Girl

Although Trinity is not really a baby any more, she will (most definitely) always be my baby girl.

The past few weeks she has gotten so fun. Just like when she started cooing, then moving... as her understanding of the world around her and her vocabulary grows, we are often awe struck with her new "tricks."

She recently figured out she can express her feelings/wants and actually let us know exactly what it was that she wants. "Come on" or "C-mOn" can frequently be heard, and she is so sweet as she looks at you and says it while reaching up and motioning with her hand (opening and closing). "Back" is another new word she has a grasp on, too. If she leads you somewhere and you try to move out of that area before she wants you to, she will often say "back" while either motioning/pointing back to where you were or grabbing on to your legs and pushing/pulling you back.

"Ouside" is also frequently used these days. Trinity loves being outdoors (rain or shine). Now that she's figured out she can tell us what she wants and she will often get it, she is often pointing toward a door and saying "ouside" or even going over to a door and trying to fiddle with the door knob while repeatedly saying "ouside."

A week or so before she started using "come on" and "back," Trinity figured out that she could try to position us how she wanted by guiding us with our shoulders, arms, fingers, legs, etc. She was wanting me to slide the first time she did this with me. She was so cute as she walked across the room to where I was sitting in the floor. Once she got over to me, I thought she was reaching to give me a hug. Instead, she grabbed my shoulders and proceeded to try to "pull" me in the direction of her slide. Once I stood up and started heading in the direction she was trying to guide me, she reached for my finger and led me the rest of the way there. Then, she pointed at the steps and said "slide."

I really wish I could catch some of these moments on video! Trinity's definitely growing up...

Thursday, May 06, 2010

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Thought for the Day

As I was preparing the lesson for our youth group last night, a few verses caught my attention:
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  James 1:2-4 NIV
1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, wehave peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.3 Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;4 perseverance, character; and character, hope.  Romans 5:1-4 NIV
I pondered those verses of scripture for a while last night. Then, this morning, when I read the daily devotional I get through e-mail from The Vine, I thought about it a bit more. Even though the devotional used a different scripture passage, as you'll see below, they both refer to trials and tribulations. I think the devotional summed it up pretty well.

It's A Test Of Faith
You tested us,... refined us like silver... brought us to a place of abundance.  Psalm 66:10-12 NIV
When Jesus explained the cost of following Him, some of His disciples walked away. Yet the impact of those who didn't is still felt in the world today. By the time they wrote their epistles, His apostles had learned to see every test in life as a chance to strengthen their faith and multiply their effectiveness.

Tests of faith are opportunities to surrender something of value to God, even when we have the right not to. In a test of faith you'll feel assaulted and stretched by circumstances, yet not distant from God; tried by them, but not judged or guilty. The Psalmist writes:
For you, O God, tested us; you refined us like silver... you brought us to a place of abundance.  Psalm 66:10-12 NIV
A test of faith doesn't really test anything unless it pushes you beyond your last test - past what you've already proven! If you try to run or pull back each time you reach what seems like your limit, you'll never know how much you can trust God - or how much He can trust you. The fire that refines us like silver can come as a job lost, a relationship lost, good health lost, or a reputation lost. But with God, the end result is never in doubt. If you're wondering today, 'How much more can I take?' listen to the words of Bishop JC Ryle:
This only we may be assured of, that if tomorrow brings a cross, He who sends it can and will send the grace to bear it. 
In God's kingdom it works like this:
Faith tested, character refined, abundance given.

Thursday, April 01, 2010

Sneak Peek

Here's a sneak peek at what we'll soon be sending to our friends and family:


What do you think?

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Chronic Pain

As I continue to struggle with pain, I'm also noticing changes in my attitude and behavior. It's amazing how much pain can changes one's life.

I'm finding that it's affecting my relationship with others, even beyond my interaction with my husband and daughter that I touched on in an earlier post. I wasn't very outgoing to begin with, but now I don't really want to go out in a group. I also don't want to carry on conversations with others; this one really bothers me, but I know where it stems from. Over the past year, especially with my husbands help, I've realized how often I say the wrong thing. This just adds another magnitude on to my ongoing struggle of not being able to remember common, simple words (like towel, dog, diaper, etc) from time-to-time. Who knows how many times I've misspoke at work or in some other situation where my husband wasn't even around to try to correct me. I hate it, and the really bad thing is that I've even noticed it starting to happen when I type, too. I now have to try to proofread anything I type at least a couple times, and there are still times when I send or post something just to realize that I typed something wrong at a later time. Also, I used to enjoy the fact that I my written word came out "more intelligent" than my spoken word…that's quickly becoming a thing of the past, too. Ugh! I really don't like this.

Ok, beyond noticing that I'm becoming a bit reclusive :o), I'm starting to get a temper and become very short with people…including my daughter. What?! I know she's just 17 months (today as a matter of fact), and I love observing her as she is learning from her surroundings. I also know that she gets frustrated easily because she can't communicate everything she wants to, and she can't do everything she wants to do either. Her frustrations combined with how short-fused I'm starting to be, especially on days that I'm really struggling, are not meshing very well right now. Take last night for example, I ended up so frustrated and mad at myself it wasn't funny. I was trying to feed Trinity supper. After a few bites of the mac-and-cheese I'd heated up for her she started getting antsy and wanting down. Because of how she'd been acting, I knew she was hungry so I kept trying to get her to eat. I was even letting her feed herself, which is her new favorite thing to do. When she started wiggling around, I started "helping" her with the spoon. Pretty soon, she was waving her free hand up and down at me. She pulled the hand with the spoon away from mine and flung it to the floor and then batted the bowl of mac-and-cheese down, too (not before sticking her whole hand in the middle of the food). Then she was really waiving her arms around, mac-and-cheese flying off her hand in the process. I ended up spanking her before I even caught myself. Yes, that ended her fit, but that's not what I should've done. After she quit crying and totally calmed down, I realized her "fit" was the only way she knew at the time to try to tell me she wanted something besides the mac-and-cheese. Why did I do that instead of taking the time to figure out why she was frustrated (which is what I normally do)? Like I said, I was very mad at myself for doing this. I was in tears last night, and I'm even starting to tear up as I write this now.

I so want to find something that will stop the pain I'm dealing with. I know other people suffer through even worse things, and I honestly think that may be why I'm still finding the strength to fight this every day. I just continue to try to thank God for the day He has given me and find blessings each day. But that still doesn't stop (or reverse) the changes I'm seeing in myself.

I'm really getting to the point where I just want to lock myself in a room on my really bad days. Even though, most days, I am so exhausted I just feel like I want to go to bed as soon as I put Trinity to bed, I really think I'm going to have to start doing more research into Fibromyalgia, Limited Scleroderma, and chronic pain on my own. Maybe, just maybe, I'll find something that might help.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Parenting with a Chronic Illness (like Fibromyalgia)

I had to repost this article from the National Fibromyalgia Association’s website:

FM in the Family
Reprinted from FMOnline

Chronic pain adds an extra challenge to every task, to every relationship, to every aspect of life—and parenting is no exception.

Recently we asked people with fibromyalgia to share their parenting tips. No request for tips has ever received such an enthusiastic response. Clearly, people with fibromyalgia understand that maintaining healthy relationships with their children is just as important as managing their symptoms—and they have plenty of advice for doing both successfully.

Here we present a selection of the best tips we received, hoping that they will be helpful to other parents with FM.

Time Management
Parenting requires so much energy—and people with FM are constantly focused on how to use their energy wisely, without draining themselves completely.

Chris Robbins, of West Bend, Wis., spent three years bedfast, fighting infections and fevers—and she had three children to take care of. Her solution: she taught the kids to set the kitchen timer for 15 minutes; when it rang, one child would come into Robbins’s bedroom to check on her (and, though they didn’t know it at the time, to give her a chance to check on them one at a time). When she had to get out of bed—to make a trip to the bathroom, for instance—she used that opportunity to teach a simple household task to one of her kids. “Soon, someone could cook eggs or macaroni and cheese. Another child learned to do laundry and another, how to vacuum and do dishes,” she says. “They started young and were proud of their accomplishments.”

Now the mother of two teens and a tween, Robbins has her kids well-trained to carry a cellphone and check in with her regularly—though not, she quips, every 15 minutes.

Making preparations in advance is a great way to keep stress levels down, and energy levels from dropping too fast. Try making school lunches the night before, and teach the kids to keep their backpacks near the front door—already packed with homework and textbooks—so that all of you can rush around less before heading to school in the morning.

Also, be sure to write your children’s commitments on a calendar, so you don’t have to worry that you’ve forgotten that PTA paper drive, that school dance, or that book report due date.

A kid’s schedule can sometimes be a boon to a parent with FM, as Leisa Ryan of Coral Springs, Fla., points out. “My advice for new mothers that suffer from fibro pain and symptoms is to nap when the baby naps—always,” she says.

Kathleen Kay Muir developed a unique system to explain to her family what kind of day she was having. She broke the day into a ratio of work time and rest time. A “50-50 day” was one in which she had to work and rest equal amounts of time. This helps the family understand how Muir feels better than if she simply said she was having a “good day” or a “bad day”—and it helps her teen daughter intuit whether she and Muir can go shopping or hiking, or if they will enjoy a “PJ day” of chick flicks. She has also explicitly told her family which tasks particularly strain her; when her husband and daughter take on those chores—like vacuuming and carrying in the dry cleaning—rather than Muir being stressed or frustrated by the chore, she feels grateful for her family’s willing teamwork. 

For Michelle Hock, spending time with her kids took priority over anything else. When they were little—they are now teenagers—that meant playing with them when they wanted to play, regardless of how much pain she was feeling. It also took priority over household tasks when her energy was at low ebb. “Don’t beat yourself up because the kitchen isn’t clean or the laundry is undone,” she says. “The kids only want their mom—and they want her to be happy, healthy and pain free just as much as you want to be.

“Take care of people first—things later.”

Take Advantage of Alternatives
We live in a technological society—and that can be a boon for parents who are experiencing an FM flare.

“I made sure I had every video available that they enjoyed—also, a remote-control VCR,” says Susan S. Muehlstein. “I taught them how to change the tapes. Timers on TV programs are also great!” She also relied on an alarm system that sounded off when someone opened a door or window; even if she was resting in a different room, she always knew if one of the kids went outside.

Remember that there is a lot of educational programming on TV—your kids don’t need to watch cartoons all day.

If volunteering in your child’s classroom is out of the question, seek out other ways you can be involved. Perhaps you can take on a small PTA project, be in charge of email reminders for your child’s sports team, or be on a planning committee.

Develop a Tool Kit
You may have special tools you use to make housework easier; why shouldn’t you use tools to make parenting tasks easier, too?

If your child plays sports, bring a cushion to make sitting on the bleachers less painful—or a light folding chair to sit on. If your children are infants and toddlers, keep a bag of supplies—diapers, wipes, nonperishable snacks, and whatever else you may need during an outing—in the car.

Parents crave communication from their kids; parents with chronic illness need to make sure they are also sharing information with their children. “I try to let the kids know how much energy I have each day,” says Robbins. “It really helps what they will then ask of me or how they ask.”

Hock agrees. “Open communication about this is key, so the kids don’t think you are trying to avoid them or avoid being with them,” she says. “They are the most forgiving, understanding people on the planet; give them the chance to help you and love you through it.”

“I have a 4-year-old with a great imagination and energy level, and I have explained to her that I have a disease that some days makes me a bit sore and tired sometimes,” says Nancy in Pennsylvania. She also explained to her daughter some of the ways she is managing her symptoms, and bought a yoga tape the two of them can do together.

“The way I conduct myself with an adversity is the way she will see how to handle things that may come her way,” Nancy explains.

Cathy Stenger, who has a 13-year-old son and an 11-year-old daughter, is careful what she promises her children. “I never know what is going to come up that will use up my energy, so I find that in order to avoid disappointment, it's best not to promise something that I don't know for sure that I can follow through on,” she explains.

“My daughter knows that I have ‘an owie’ in my back and it hurts bad sometimes,” says Jennifer Betts, mother of a 3-year-old. “She shows true concern and helps me by picking up her own toys so I don't have to. Children understand a lot more than you think they do. And they love you unconditionally, despite your fibromyalgia.”

Tonya Walmer tried to prevent FM from affecting her children, despite knowing that was an impossible goal. With the help of a counselor, she came up with a way to offer age-appropriate explanations of her condition to her toddlers, who responded well. “That first conversation was amazingly helpful, but even more amazing has been the opportunity for openness and communication that it sparked,” she says. “Three years later, we have had many small conversations about life, the human body, FM, other disabilities, and even my children's own limitations. It has been truly incredible to discover that the very thing I was afraid to own is teaching my children—and myself—so many positive and wonderful things that serve them well now and will continue to influence them for the rest of their lives!”

One mom introduced her children to the world of FM a different way. “The best thing I have done was to encourage each teen that I could help them with a report or paper they had to write—if the topic could be on fibromyalgia!” Deb writes. “The end result was that they came out of it knowing all about the disease. Each of them came out with a greater understanding of why things were the way they were, why I reacted in certain ways, and how our lives were changed by the disease.”

No matter how carefully you explain FM, a sensitive child may react badly. One mom wrote us about her tween daughter’s excessive worrying; the girl is always checking on her mom, even when the mom says she feels fine. The two of them made an appointment with a therapist, who told the girl that she had to trust her mother when she said she was feeling fine—and trust that her mother would ask for help when it was needed. The therapist also emphasized that the child was not responsible for her mother’s health. “Although I have said those things many times, our daughter never really heard it until it came from a third party who she respects,” the mom wrote.

Be Child-Friendly
Keep in mind that your kids are a lot smaller than you are—but that doesn’t mean they can’t take on some responsibility, if you child-size it. Muehlstein used to keep small plastic cups in the lowest kitchen cabinets, so her kids could reach them to get themselves glasses of water; she also kept juice boxes and snacks on the bottom refrigerator shelves so the kids could serve themselves.

Tiffany Grimm, of Kenai, Alaska, has taken even more steps to allow her four-year-old son greater responsibility. “His clothes are in a cabinet that he can reach so he gets himself dressed,” she says. “There is also a hamper in his room for his clothes. It is small so he carries it to the laundry room on his own. As I am folding the clothes he puts away one stack at a time.”

Keep an eye on your medicines, too. Julie McCloskey, an attorney and a mother of two, keeps her prescription medications and herbal supplements in a locked safe, so the kids don’t have any opportunity to get into those bottles.

Younger children love to be picked up and carried around—something that can really exacerbate FM pain. A good option is to get down to the child’s level: play together on the floor, or snuggle together on the sofa. (A good stretching session before getting down on the floor may make playtime even easier on you.) 

Seek SupportMany parents reference a strong prayer life and spirituality as a way they manage their symptoms—and gain the strength they need to fulfill their parenting duties. Many are fortunate to have the support of their own parents, their spouses, and their children.

Whatever your situation, you must develop a system that allows you at least a little time to yourself, to relax, to meditate, to take a warm bath. If your budget allows it, you may choose to hire a babysitter once a month so you can have an afternoon all to yourself.

Part of a parent’s job is to set boundaries for the children—but parents with FM must also learn to set boundaries for themselves. “The very best thing that you can do for yourself is know your limits,” says Suzanne Stierwalt. “Know when and how to say no, and know when and how to ask for help.”

Walmer phrases it differently: “Put your oxygen mask on first,” she writes. Parents often instinctively consider their children’s needs first, but it’s important to maintain a balance. You can’t parent successfully if you are not meeting your own needs, and managing your FM symptoms. “If the balance is off too far in either direction, we are headed for crisis!” she says.

All in the Family
Is FM a genetic condition? That’s a hot topic in research right now, and the jury is still out on the extent to which genetics may influence whether a person develops FM. But what is inarguable is the fact that more and more kids are being diagnosed with fibromyalgia. What happens when a parent with FM has a child with fibromyalgia—and another without it?

“My 10-year-old girl has FM also and she has most of the symptoms that I have. I try to make it up to my 12-year-old girl, who is high energy, by doing things with her on my good days,” writes Shelly Tilley. “On my okay days, I do things with both of them, just keep it kind of low key. On my bad days, I cuddle up with the one with FM, and we make each other feel better just by knowing what the other is feeling. We do quiet things together, like reading, or watching a movie.  That's how I handle being a parent with FM.”

Carpe Diem
“Don’t let a day with your kids slip by,” advises Michelle Hock. “Do what you can do to be with them, pain or not; then rest later. The last thing you want to do is lose precious days with your kids due to this stupid, unnecessary illness.”

Remember that, while child-rearing can be stressful, it can also be joy-filled—and therapeutic in its own way. “My children have kept my spirits up and keep me very active, which is the most important thing right now,” says Juanita Martinez.

Seeking alternatives and creative solutions to parenting challenges can add up to wonderful memories for parents and children alike—and remember, the kid perspective is different from the adult perspective. “My kids remember the hardest times of my fibro (they were in their first years of school) as ‘the best times!’” says Muehlstein.

“For a while I felt like a failure as a mom because I hurt to much to take the kids to the park, play soccer, etc. One day my oldest son, when he was in first grade, said he felt so lucky because he had me around all the time,” recalls Mary Ross, who lives in Oregon. “This made my realize that while I couldn't necessarily be as physically active with my kids, I could still be a good parent for them.

“In fact, I think fibro has been a blessing in that it has forced me to slow down and truly get to know my children.”

“Be laid back,” Grimm adds. “They are kids. Their standards aren't high. It’s ours that are hard to meet!

“As a former child psychologist and teacher I would say it is most important to give your children their own responsibilities, help them understand and help, and be involved every way you can (even if that means watching a movie together or ordering the pizza for their friends).”

“We find small reasons to celebrate resting, or exercising to keep energy flowing,” writes Paige L. Koehler. She also makes sure to emphasize the things she can do, rather than the things she can't. “I couldn't carry my son—he was too heavy—but I used a wagon and stroller quite a bit,” she says. “I had to stop bowling, but I could still walk. I had to quit chopping and cutting food but I could still supervise a small cooking group with the family. 

“Find the fun, and you will do fine.”

Friday, March 26, 2010

Stream of Consciousness

My thoughts have definitely been rambling as of late. It's odd; it's as if I can't get my mind to cut off. It's in over-drive right now. It's really bad because I can't focus on a single thing for more than a few moments…therefore, this is probably going to be really jumbled. I will ramble a good bit, too.

I'm debating on trying Natural Bioidentical Hormone Replacement Therapy. I'm apprehensive about this because I know it's still relatively "new"... meaning no long running tests/studies, etc. With how complicated my medical history can be, will I end up just adding to the complications, instead of helping, by trying this?

Well, there's plenty of other things floating around in my mind, like I said at the beginning, but I'm even finding it hard to put anything else into words right now. Maybe, I'll post more later.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Loving the Carousel at Gatti-Town!

Enjoying her 1st trip to Gatti-Town!

Trinity enjoyed herself at Gatti-Town this weekend. This video was taken while she was on the little dragon "ride." 

I'll post another of her first ride on a Carousel, while we were there, a bit later.

[Sorry for the poor quality; these videos were taken from my cell phone.]

Thursday, March 11, 2010


I am still determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances. We carry the seeds of the one or the other about with us in our minds, wherever we go.
- Martha Washington in a letter to a friend

Friday, March 05, 2010


... for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therein to be content.
- Phillippians 4:11 (NASB)

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Can I Give Up?

This year has not started off so great for me…at least as far as my health is concerned. Many times, I have just bawled to my husband about how I can’t take it anymore.

I’m tired… well, I guess, literally; I feel extremely fatigued. As I continue to get progressively worse, I’m currently at a point where I feel like I’m having to choose work over family. After I push myself to work and struggle through the day, I push to get Trinity home and ready for bed. As soon as I get her down for the night, I just want to go to bed. I usually do get in bed, but I try to stay awake until Chris comes to bed.

I’m tired… of being in at least some sort of pain 24/7 for over 8 years now. As time has passed, my pain level has continued to increase. Especially once the Fibromyalgia really kicks in, there are days where I just want to crawl out of my skin. Hems of clothes hurt and tags, holding the steering wheel or a computer mouse can hurt, etc. It’s amazing how I hate clothes shopping now because I might think something is REALLY cute, but as soon as I touch it or try it on, I realize I won’t be able to wear it because of how much pain I would be in. Sadly to say, most business clothes are this way. I really wish I could just wear casual clothes to work.

I’m tired… of not being able to completely enjoy our daughter and how this affects her. I’m tired of how this affects my husband. I’m tired of not being able to cuddle and play around with my husband; tickle fights and nights spent curled up together used to be our norm. Now, most days, I can’t even stand for him to give me a good hug. The affects this has on my family and my relationship with them are what hurt me the most. Even though the pain may have me almost in tears, I just bawl thinking about how I can’t do everything I would like to with them.

I’m tired of fighting! When can I give up?

I know there are people out there that are so much worse, and I try to keep reminding myself of that. However, as the pain has gotten worse this year and I keep having issues with my health, I’ve just hit a wall. Right now, I just haven’t found a way around, over, under, or through it. This is just one of the “downs” of my life. I’m sure I’ll figure out how to pick my head up and smile as I continue to trudge along…I’m just not at that point yet.

Wednesday, March 03, 2010


I believe the single most significant decision I can make on a day-to-day basis is my choice of attitude. It is more important than my past, my education, my bankroll, my successes or failures, fame or pain, what other people think of me or say about me, my circumstances, or my position. Attitude keeps me going or cripples my progress. It alone fuels my fire or assaults my hope. When my attitudes are right, there is no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme, no challenge too great for me.
- Charles R. Swindoll

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Openness and Honesty

Not that I'm going to start sharing every little detail of my day or every single thought I have, but...

I am going to start using this as a venue to start sharing more of my thoughts. This probably should have just been entitled Openness, but I think honesty goes hand-in-hand with openness. If you're not really being open with someone, you aren't really being honest with them…like the "little white lie."

Yes, I still feel that I am living the Young, Sweet Life; however, everything is not always cheery and happy. Until now, I have mostly limited my posts to pictures and updates on our sweet, little angel. So, as I post in the future, I'm sure I'll still do plenty of that, but I will also be posting more of my day-to-day struggles and frustrations, too. As I come across quotes that are inspiring or thought provoking, I'll probably post those as well. This is going to become more encompassing of my life instead of just "censored" snippets that are mostly about my daughter.

Since this might be considered a bit of a drastic change, I just thought I would let you know.


One sees great things from the valley; only small things from the peak.
- G.K. Chesterton

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

InchBug BumpyName Orbit Labels

For daycare, we are required to label all of our little one's bottles. At first, we tried Sharpie, but that washed off every time we washed the bottles. Then, I tried printing labels, but they didn't last more than a week or so. After some searching, I stumbled across the InchBug labels.

After using them for over a year now, I absolutely love them, and I can definitely say they work-for-me. You get 4 labels per pack; I chose the two-line label in Pinkly Purple. I love the fact that they fit on anything from her slimmest bottles to her Avent and Soothies. An added benefit was that it gave her more of a grip as she was learning to hold the bottle for herself.

The InchBug labels even fit around all the cups she uses now. Since they are practically going to last forever, I'm already looking forward to using these as she progresses throughout her school years.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Thankful Thursday - Sweet T

Given the fact that I've been feeling pretty crummy this week, I debated on doing a Thankful Thursday post today. But, who says everything has to be going your way before you can be thankful for something. Right?!

I'm thankful that I have such a sweet daughter. She is such a pleasure to watch as she grows. She's currently at the point where she is really wanting to be our little helper. I hate that I've had to rely on that in order to get some things done this week, but she's had fun helping me in the process. Besides being such a great help with throwing her diapers away, as well as going up and down the stairs by herself, she has been a joy to watch as her love for finger foods has grown this week. Crackers, cookies, wagon wheels, etc...she loves them all. There's some chocolate chip cookies in our room that I have to keep hiding from her. If she ever catches a glimpse of that blue bag, boy does she go crazy trying to reach for it and begging.

God definitely knew something when He decide to send her to us. I hope we're making our special mark on her life. That aside, I can definitely say she has been the beam of light to my otherwise dreary week.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Baby Legs

Most of our family and all of those at daycare have definitely seen our little one in Baby Legs.

We all think they are great, and they definitely work-for-me. They've been great for several reasons. They protect Sweet T's knees as she crawls around. They make diaper changing or quick runs to the potty a blast because you don't have to struggle with getting pants down. They're also great because Sweet T's a bit hot natured; she'd want to run around without anything on if we'd let her. So, the Baby Legs cause less of a struggle, but keep her legs warm during the cool weather.

We have several pairs. However, after I've seen the new line for the spring (and the socks and tights they've added), I hope to get at least few more. Here is a picture of Sweet T in her rainbow pair.


If you look around the Baby Legs site, you'll see they can be used multiple ways, and they fit everyone - just check out the sizing information. Because I have some circulation issues, I like wearing them as arm warmers.

Thursday, February 04, 2010

27 years and 15 months

By the title, I'm guessing you're thinking I can't do math across years and months correctly. Well, that's not exactly true...

Man, time flies! This past week marked 15 months since Trinity entered this world, as well as PC’s 27th birthday.

This milestone in Sweet T’s life can be marked with increased use of her hands and an increase in her confidence with walking. She loves waving and blowing kisses bye-bye. She’s also started signing a few things, like more food and all done. Getting her to sit in one place for a few minutes is growing more and more difficult as she continues to gain more confidence in her walking abilities. This is ever apparent on Sundays. Over the past couple of months, she’s made it through less and less of the church service each week. Her love of shoes is growing right along with her love of walking, too. Many a time, she has picked up her pair of Croc-like sandals off the floor and walked over to PC or me wanting them put on...over the pair of shoes she currently has on. You should see her when we get home in the afternoon, too. I take her out of her car seat and stand her up in our driveway. She’s usually almost at the front door by the time I grab her baby bag, shut the car door, and catch up to her.

Trinity’s biggest delight over the past couple of weeks has been turning lights off and on. She loves flipping the light switches in the house. Plus, while we’re in the car, she begs for the interior lights to be switched on…then off…then on…well, you get the point. She’s turning out to be a great little helper, too. You definitely won’t ever forget to close the refrigerator door, well any door for that matter, or a drawer while she’s around. It’s not that she’ll be in it if you don’t…it’s that she’ll shut it for you if you leave it open. Even if you were going to leave it open for just a few seconds, she’ll close it for you before you’re really done if she can make it over fast enough. She’ll also throw her diapers away for me.

Rhett and Dodger and Trinity are enjoying each other more and more. She now helps me let the dogs out and feed them in the morning, and she enjoys putting them to bed and giving them their treats at night. On weekends, she loves playing with them throughout the day, too.

Now, on to PC. We haven’t had the chance to do much to celebrate his birthday yet. I feel bad about that. He did pick-up a game and a couple of movies last night, and I’ll be making Enchilada Casserole tonight. I guess that will give him some time to relax, but I don’t really feel like that’s enough. For all he does for me, I wish I could think of something more!

Wednesday, February 03, 2010