Thursday, July 30, 2009

My Sweet, Baby Girl

Dear Sweet T,

It was nine months ago today when you breathed your first breath in this world. After months of worries and ups and downs during the pregnancy, oh, how proud we are that you were born, that you are our baby girl. Your daddy smiled non-stop for days after you were born. You have already brought so much joy to our family in the short time you have been with us. How proud we are!

Today you are nine months old. It's impossible for me to think of your first few months and not have my eyes well up with tears. They are warm, sweet, happy tears as I celebrate the bittersweet fact that you are already growing up. My how time has already flown by; it really does seem like yesterday was when daddy and I first brought you home.

I love you so much. I can't wait until you finish cutting your first teeth. Daddy and I definitely long for the day when you say your first word and especially when you start saying mama and dada. We'll look on with joy the day you start crawling forward since you're still stuck in reverse at this moment. I'm sure we will be filled with pride as you take your first (unassisted) step at some point during the coming months. As you continue to grow, I so look forward to putting ponytails in your hair and God's Word in your heart.

But to be honest, if I could bottle you up right now, I would in a heartbeat. That way I would be able to savor the sweet smell of your head forever. Feel your warm baby breath on my cheek as I rock you. See that gummy grin as daddy or I enter the room. Dust my fingertips across your cheek or play with your baby fine hair. Feel a closeness to you like nothing else as I nurse you to sleep. Gaze forever into your eyes as you search for mine and reach out for my face. Embrace your tiny body. Listen forever to your baby gurgles, coos, grunts, and sighs. Rock you as we gaze into the night together, while daddy sleeps, and it is just you and I. Sing quiet lullabies to you as you relax in my arms and drift off to sleep. I love you so much, Sweet T, and I am very sad that you won't be my baby forever.

Of course, you'll always be my baby in the way that I am still my mother and father's baby and in the way that they are still the baby of their parents. Grow up you must, grow up you will, and I will find joy and happiness in that journey. But I will cherish these fleeting baby moments with you. I will enter your childhood with you with no regrets about your short baby days. I will leave no kiss unkissed and no cuddle uncuddled, no matter what the hour of day or night. I already know too well, now, how precious and momentary sweet infancy is. Since I cannot keep you little forever, I will make the sweetest, deepest memories that I can, now while you are little.

And when you are grown, I will fondly remember your first months, with warm, sweet, happy tears in my eyes once again.

All my love,


Monday, July 20, 2009

War Wounds

Well, Sweet T had a few incidents at day care today. Just a couple more reminders of how much I hate for her to be there. Oh, well...

1st off, another little girl scratched her on her face (her right cheek). It's actually not that bad; it's just long. We're told she got a note sent home stating that she can't come back until her fingernails are cut.

Next, dd was playing with a toy and another child decided they wanted it. When she wouldn't give it to them, the other child bit her on her arm.

At least she's taking it in stride. If you couldn't tell by the photo of the scratch on her face, she doesn't seem to be phased by any of this at least not by this afternoon.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Living with CREST

Here's a good article I found that summarizes limited Scleroderma (CREST). It also briefly talks about some treatments options and things to do at home.

I don't talk about this much, but this is what I struggle with on a daily basis.

Today, I got some news that I may be showing signs of one of the worst complications - lung damage. I'm waiting for the dr's office to call me back with an appointment date for new lung tests. If the results of that test show further deterioration of my lung function, I will get to add a pulmonologist to the list of dr's/specialists I regularly see.

I'm trying to not get too down about this news, yet. Right now, until I get the new test, there's not really anything to get too worried about. Also, regardless of what that news may be, I'm going to try my best to rest in God. I know that He has my life in His hands. He has a plan for me. It's just very unnerving to get this news with an 8 1/2 month old at home. I guess it's just the pessimist coming out in me, but this afternoon I find myself continually jumping to the worst case scenario and thinking of how that would be on my family (child, husband, parents, etc).

I really just need to quit thinking of all the what if's right now. I'm going to try...

As I get more news on this, I'll keep you updated.

On a lighter note, Sweet T is getting her first tooth. It's through the gum, but not up enough that you can see it unless you get her laughing and look directly down at it.