AK after pic

Chris' AK after a few mods.

Our Toys

My new DPMS AR-15 before mods

Chris' new AK before mods

THC

This is how Trinity writes "our names." She puts this on about everything she writes or colors now.

These are a few of my favorite things...

These are a few of my <least> favorite things...

Sorry to take some time on this forum to gripe, but I feel like those of us struggling with various health conditions are sometimes afraid to mention some of the things we have to deal with. I'm tired of "hiding" and just going by the names of the various diagnoses I've had through the years. All the symptoms are even starting to run together at this point to where I don't know what issue is causing what symptom anymore.



Nonetheless, I'm tired of:

• having to spit out mouthfuls of blood every time I brush my teeth [this pic was after I'd used cold water to try to slow down the bleeding]
• bruising very easily at times [I never know where the next bruise is going to pop up or how bad it is going to look and how long it will last.]
• excess layers of skin forming to the point it starts cracking
• suffering from severe headaches that can often strike with no warning
• issues that affect my vision - from the headaches to nerve palsies that are triggered to reduced peripheral vision
• dealing with the pain at the varying degrees, to the point it is now affecting my concentration and memory

Fly on the Wall...

While we were watching Tooth Fairy 2:

Trinity: Why did he turn into a girl?

Me: He didn't. What makes you think that he did?

Trinity: Well, he's dressed in pink now and girls wear pink...so why is he a girl now?

How Do I Select a Therapist or Counselor?

How Do I Select a Therapist or Counselor?

Third Day - I Need a Miracle

 
Well, late one night, she started to cry and thought he ain’t coming home
She was tired of the lies, tired of the fight, but she didn’t want to see him go
She fell on her knees and said, “I haven’t prayed since I was young
But Lord above I need a miracle”

Well no matter who you are and no matter what you’ve done
There will come a time when you can’t make it on your own

And in your hour of desperation
Know you’re not the only one, praying
Lord above, I need a miracle
I need a miracle

He lost his job and all he had in the fall of ’09
Now he feared the worst, that he would lose his children and his wife
So he drove down deep into the woods and thought he’d end it all
And prayed, “Lord above, I need a miracle”

Well no matter who you are and no matter what you’ve done
There will come a time when you can’t make it on your own

And in your hour of desperation
Know you’re not the only one, praying
Lord above, I need a miracle
I need a miracle

La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
Whoa oh
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
Whoa oh

He turned on the radio to hear a song for the last time
He didn’t know what he was looking for or even what he’d find
The song he heard gave him hope and strength to carry on
And on that night, they found a miracle
They found a miracle

La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
Whoa oh
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
Whoa oh

In your hour of desperation
Know you’re not the only one, praying
Lord above, I need a miracle
I need a miracle

It's the little things in life...

It's the little things, that I miss the most.

I would like to be able to finish all my sentences (spoken or written) without struggling for words or replacing/substituting words. I am thankful that I have a husband that can truly complete my sentences. I am thankful that my 3-year-old is in sync with me enough that she can tell what I'm referring to when I stub in filler words like this, that, thing, etc. I am thankful for the lighthearted moments I have when she tells me "silly mommy" as she proceeds to correct me; although, these moments still break my heart in some ways...because there is a circumstance in which she has to correct me that I don't really have control over but wish I could control/get rid of.



I would like to be able to wash my hair when I wanted to. I am thankful for a husband that will help me. Currently, he washes my hair for me around once a week. I am afraid this, as well as all the other things that are quickly becoming his responsibility, will put too much of a burden on him. I am thankful he has been sticking around through the hard times thus far. But in a society like we have today, where "..for better or for worse... in sickness and in health..." are merely words stated at a ceremony and not really a vow and lifelong promise, I am scared. I don't want him to feel "stuck"; however, I do want him to tell me if he starts feeling that way so that we can try to figure out what we can do to change things before he feels like leaving is the only solution. I've already been calling around local salons to see how much they would charge for just a shampoo and style. $15 is about the cheapest I've found so far, so now I'm trying to figure out how I might be able to squeeze $60/mo out of our budget so that I can go there...maybe at least a time or two a month...instead of it feeling like all of that is on him.

I would like for my husband to not be "afraid" to touch me. I am thankful that he tries to be understanding. I miss the "tickle fights" we used to have when we were dating and early on in the marriage. That's been traded out for him even asking if he can hug/touch me. He's gotten scared because all too many times he's come up behind me to hug me and I've jumped or pulled away as a reflex because of the pain. A simple touch can send a pain through my body that I would liken to a knife being stabbed in to me. A shower can feel like pins or darts pelting into me. Seams of my clothing can fill like a knife cutting in. This type of pain is definitely not something I "enjoy." I want the aspects of my relationship that I miss back, such as the cutting up, tickle fights, play fights, etc. I also wish that the fear of this pain didn't keep me from playing with my daughter at certain times either. She is definitely a "touch" child, so I feel bad that I can't tickle and play with her at times.

I could go on and on, such as my dread of a simple trip to the grocery store, but I'm going to stop for tonight. I hope I did touch on some of the things I am thankful for in the midst of all of this, especially my husband and daughter! Thank you Lord for blessing me with them!!!

In all Honesty...

...I hate living in pain every day.

Yes, I am throwing a bit of a pity party today. I know it could always be worse so I don't like talking about the pain and issues I go through very much. However, not talking about it doesn't mean that it's not there. I can't deny it. Maybe talking about it can encourage some others because they will realize they are not the only ones and they are not "crazy" and the pain is not just "in their heads."

It is real; the symptoms that we experience do exist!



I couldn't tell you what the root cause of my problems any more. I do know that at this point I have a running list of diagnoses:

• Fibromyalgia
• CREST (limited scleroderma; type of RA)
• Chronic Sinusitis and Allergies
• Nerve Palsy
• Vocal Cord Dysfunction / Paradoxical Vocal Cord Motion

I've also been tested for Myasthenia Gravis by multiple neurologists (on their decision, without my ever stating that I had been tested for it previously, etc). Based on some things I have read, I think this might even explain some issues we had with our daughter after she was born. However, every neurologist has only done the nerve conduction/stimulation test and quit looking into it after those results are not definitive or "negative." Maybe it really is just the nerve palsy that causes the intermittent eye dropping and vision problems. Maybe it is just the PVCM, which I wasn't diagnosed with until this year, that causes the issues with swallowing, etc. Who knows why I feel like I struggle to hold my neck up and feel like I can barely move my arms and legs at times. I'm not the doctor and can't diagnose myself, but this condition keeps coming up during visits with various doctors across the past 10 years...but I can't add it to my list yet.

I used to think I would end up getting the right combination of doctors and medication and all my problems would be solved. Now, I realize I have to come to terms with my new "normal" and my current limitations. I can try to push, but I pay for it dearly. During the last months I was at work, I was miserable. I wouldn't accomplish much of my duties during the day while I was pushing myself to "be at work." I would then come home and quickly realize how much of a "mess" I was in as I would end up shaking, teeth chattering, nauseous, and crying because of the amount of pain I was now in merely due to the fact that I had gone to work that day...not even that I had done that much. Now, the mere act of dropping my daughter off at school can still be enough to set off an extreme bout of pain. Oftentimes, I will return home from dropping her off and it's as if all the nerves in my body are firing at once. (Have you ever had a migraine? You know the pain you get in your head at the slightest hint of light, sound, etc? Imagine that type of pain radiating throughout your entire body...not just certain points in your head!) There are still days I get to the point that I think I can't take it any more.

Admitting what I go through is still hard, and typing about it (both the physical act and the act of making my admission more public) is even worse. I hope just getting my thoughts out will help someone. At the very least, maybe this will offer at least a bit of catharsis.

This is all I can do for the day, but I will try to start posting more again, whether it's about my issues or something else.

Please let me know if this helps you. I'd also like for you to share in the comments if you experience similar symptoms, etc.

The start of a weight loss journey...

I bought a FitBit about a month ago. After using it to track my daily steps over the past month, I plan to try to "kick it up a notch."

Currently, I'm averaging around 4,800 steps a day, and an average Active Score of 495. On average, I have been eating around 1400 calories a day. I weigh 199 and my measurements (in inches) are:

• Neck: 14.25
• Bicep: 13.50
• Forearm: 9.25
• Chest: 36.00
• Waist: 38.00
• Hips:  48.25
• Thigh: 27.25
• Calf: 16.00

Five Best Goal Tracking Services

Five Best Goal Tracking Services

Top 10 Easy-to-Keep Resolutions for This New Year

I seen this today and thought I would link to it because it has some good ideas:

Top 10 Easy-to-Keep Resolutions for This New Year