It's the little things, that I miss the most.
I would like to be able to finish all my sentences (spoken or written) without struggling for words or replacing/substituting words. I am thankful that I have a husband that can truly complete my sentences. I am thankful that my 3-year-old is in sync with me enough that she can tell what I'm referring to when I stub in filler words like this, that, thing, etc. I am thankful for the lighthearted moments I have when she tells me "silly mommy" as she proceeds to correct me; although, these moments still break my heart in some ways...because there is a circumstance in which she has to correct me that I don't really have control over but wish I could control/get rid of.
I would like to be able to wash my hair when I wanted to. I am thankful for a husband that will help me. Currently, he washes my hair for me around once a week. I am afraid this, as well as all the other things that are quickly becoming his responsibility, will put too much of a burden on him. I am thankful he has been sticking around through the hard times thus far. But in a society like we have today, where "..for better or for worse... in sickness and in health..." are merely words stated at a ceremony and not really a vow and lifelong promise, I am scared. I don't want him to feel "stuck"; however, I do want him to tell me if he starts feeling that way so that we can try to figure out what we can do to change things before he feels like leaving is the only solution. I've already been calling around local salons to see how much they would charge for just a shampoo and style. $15 is about the cheapest I've found so far, so now I'm trying to figure out how I might be able to squeeze $60/mo out of our budget so that I can go there...maybe at least a time or two a month...instead of it feeling like all of that is on him.
I would like for my husband to not be "afraid" to touch me. I am thankful that he tries to be understanding. I miss the "tickle fights" we used to have when we were dating and early on in the marriage. That's been traded out for him even asking if he can hug/touch me. He's gotten scared because all too many times he's come up behind me to hug me and I've jumped or pulled away as a reflex because of the pain. A simple touch can send a pain through my body that I would liken to a knife being stabbed in to me. A shower can feel like pins or darts pelting into me. Seams of my clothing can fill like a knife cutting in. This type of pain is definitely not something I "enjoy." I want the aspects of my relationship that I miss back, such as the cutting up, tickle fights, play fights, etc. I also wish that the fear of this pain didn't keep me from playing with my daughter at certain times either. She is definitely a "touch" child, so I feel bad that I can't tickle and play with her at times.
I could go on and on, such as my dread of a simple trip to the grocery store, but I'm going to stop for tonight. I hope I did touch on some of the things I am thankful for in the midst of all of this, especially my husband and daughter! Thank you Lord for blessing me with them!!!